Christmas has come and gone! What a great time it was - fun time with family and everyone seemed to have such a great time. I love my family - from my mom to my sister and brother in law, brother and sister in law and their families to my in laws, mother and father - brothers in law and sister in law - I love them all! My children are my favorites though...I love Taylor's sensitive spirit, humble attitude, gracious life. I love Parker's spirit, spunk and sense of humor and I love Raber's sweet spirit, caring attitude and quick wit. They are at once similar and different. God graced them with such special gifts, musical, love of reading, care for others, similar gifts used differently. They have grown so quickly into young men.

Taylor and Kirra are such a wonderful couple, perfect together. It's a joy to spend time with them - they love each other and have such a respect for one another it's fun to watch! I love that Taylor chose such a sweet, kind woman to be my first daughter in law!

Ahh family - all special all unique! Gifts from God every one!

Ahhh, Christmas season - goes by too fast every year! Just when I'm really enjoying the lights, decorations, baking, shopping, wrapping, family...it's almost over! I love shopping, I love giving gifts - I love watching people open gifts - especially when the boys were little! I love being around family. I love baking goodies and giving them away. I love church - the decorations, the music, the message at Christmas. I love Jesus coming as a baby, a baby savior, a humble servant savior, my savior. I love celebrating him. I love spending time with friends, cept this year not much time for that...I love wrapping the presents and thinking about each person - praying for them as I wrap! Ahhh, Christmas season - Oh come Oh come Emmanuel...

Thanksgiving was not what I expected or planned - but it was wonderful just the same. I missed being with my family in Arizona, Doug missed being able to visit his parents, I missed the opportunity for Parker and Raber to hang out and play with their young and old cousins.

God had other plans and we stayed home - so very fortunate we found out Parker had been given the swine flu vaccine BEFORE we got to Rob and Julie's! The four of us had a nice dinner - amazingly I had most of the ingredients - even made an apple pie! Just had to get a fresh turkey - mine was too frozen when we found out at 8 Wednesday night that we wouldn't be going to Arizona.

So much to be thankful for - family, friends, health, Jesus!! Now on to my very very favorite holiday of the year, I LOVE Christmas - the lights, the decorations, the shopping, watching people open presents, cooking, eating, visiting, remembering Jesus human birth...so much of Christmas I would love to hang on to all year!

God is so good, no matter what I'm studying He shows me my weaknesses in such a gentle and loving way! Just this week (which has been full of trials) I realized how critical I've become. Once again I can see my instinct to find the wrong in others before I even look at them with the love I'm supposed to, the same love God looks at me with. Somehow in these first 6 chapters of John, I see Jesus complete compassion - at the wedding, healing, the samaritan woman, the 5,000...even though he is given the power to judge, he loves first! How much more should I love first.

Why do I fall back into the sin of judging, the sin of delighting in the wrong of others?? I am called to have compassion, to lovingly correct when necessary...but first to have compassion. Oh I can serve, I can easily help those I love, but how easy is it to show compassion on those I don't like, don't agree with...wish I didn't work with...

But God calls me to have compassion, period. Not compassion on only the people I like...but just plain compassion. Even on my children when they try my patience.

I struggle with the whole tough love thing - I love them, I don't like disciplining them (surprise?) I struggle with compassion vs. tough love. God is still showing me.

Time is flying by waaaaay to fast! I'm not ready to be this old, I'm not ready for my mother to be this old, I'm not ready for no kids to live at home....I am ready to be a grandma! I am ready to work less, I am ready to have time to serve God more...my prayer is to be content where I am! Even while the time flies by!!!

I am loving life, just wish I didn't feel like I only experience 4 of the 7 days each week! I wish I was more patient with people in my life (at work, at home, in the store). I wish I was more focused. More focused on what God wants me focused on...hmmmm

Well, wouldn't you know it. I go back to BSF and right away the enemy starts getting all in my face! Two friends are into Tarot card reading! Yikes - I'm so bothered by this and not knowing what in the world to do! Get in their faces? Gently enter into spiritual conversations? Even now I'm also reading a book about discipleship this morning I read that our goal is to be more like Jesus and even though Jesus displayed anger - it was righteous and not judgemental anger, in our humanness it is almost impossible for us to have righteous anger.....it is so difficult in my flesh to not be judgemental! I know I'm right and I forget to love first. Wow. God has such perfect timing!

I'm praying and reading and asking God to give me the words, fortunately Janet and I are of the same mind on this so Saturday when we all get together for my birthday we'll approach it in God's will. I marvel at the timing.

Dilemma number two - seminar at church that I wasn't on the e mails until this week - Friday and Saturday. Friday night Dodger/Giants tickets with Tyler and the boys.....Saturday Rotary meet up for party at our house in October. hmmmmm my heart wants badly to go to the seminar BUT I was out of the loop for the last few months....bringing up the question of submission to husband vs spiritual growth....I'm not liking this dilemma.

Then there's even the business - but that seems minor compared to the spiritual issues! Isn't that funny, the financial and business issues were foremost in my mind last week - now it's these more spiritual - human issues. God is good. He puts it all back in perspective. I get all wrapped up in the things that will not last until He brings it to my attention that there are things far more important!

I'm writing this from a new laptop! It belongs to the office and is really to allow me to do payroll and other things when I'm traveling (like to Chicago) but it's great to be able to be in bed - Doug watching the Dodgers and me on the computer!!!

Anyway - praying for wisdom - we have new ideas to solve some of the issues at work, just want confirmation that it's in line with God's will. I can have great ideas but they can so clearly (in hindsight) be outside of His will! Praying, reading, waiting! I love so much how God works, letting us be part of His plan!

Just finished a great book, Chuck Smith's autobiography - so wonderful to read how God's plan unfolded in his life! Encouraging to see failures used by God - just as I've seen Him use failures in my own life. Sometimes I'm frustrated by the reality that I can't be in fulltime ministry - but then I'm brought back to the reality that my life can be a ministry.

What a great birthday it's been such a surprise in so many ways! God is indeed good!

Work is getting crazier, financially! I need wisdom so badly right now - in my quiet time God seems to be telling me to be patient - every passage I read I seem to sum up with wait - be patient - be true in my motives.

Thankful Rob is doing well so far - thankful for a wonderful daughter in law who turns 24 tomorrow! LOVE KIRRA SUE SUTTON! Thankful for three great sons and a wonderful husband. So many blessings to balance the many stresses. God is indeed good in the midst of all!

But I still never seem to have enough time - to write to read to sew .....

Getting ready to go to Arizona! So excited to see old friends, most from Junior High days....and most in the same stage of life. Just tonight talked with Pam - it's been 20 years :-) we still have much in common, kids about the same age, one married living out of state. I'm not alone!!! But I knew that. It will be interesting as I have no idea where these people are spiritually except that from facebook, I can tell some are liberal so we'll not have that in common!

I'm missing my sister alot - get to see her tomorrow!!! Pray the fires stay away so we can enjoy our Arizona time. Praying for Parker and Raber to keep up with everything here :-}.

I'm too busy these few days to be sad - I don't like being too busy to feel. Too busy to be happy or sad.

So the hot topic of discussion lately among my friends seems to be our changing roles as mothers. I know I've been a mother almost half my life - a caretaker - concerned first for the welfare of my children. Now I'm facing the end of that phase - no one needs taking care of and worry is about all I can do and call it concern. Fortunately I'm married to my best friend and know my time will be filled but it still leaves an initial void.

I'm sad. I miss being a mom. I miss helping with homework, answering questions about life, driving carpool and so much more I can't think of! Life is full of seasons and this is one coming to an end with another opening up. Some season changes are exciting - like getting married, starting a family, starting a career or business - - this season change is bittersweet sad. Probably because I loved every minute of my mothering years! From being pregnant, changing diapers, nursing, terrible twos, reading stories, making lunch, play dates, play dough, pre school at home, driving car pool, baseball, basketball, football practice (smelly car rides) I could go on. I loved it all - every day.

Now I'm daily praying for God to show me my next season - the next steps and praying I love them as fully as I've loved the past 25 years.

The book I'm reading asks the question - Looking back over your life what brought you joy? I had to think - I'm so busy I don't reflect often enough so it was a challenge.

What does or has brought me joy? The first thing I thought of was Christmas. But then, what about Christmas? Family, friends, entertaining. I've loved Christmas since I was a child - the decorations, lights, family, preparing meals together, vacation (no school), all with a central purpose - to celebrate Jesus. Different than other holidays or vacation time - Christmas has a purpose. I love family and friends together anytime, but Christmas is special.

Anyway, that's as far as I got searching my brain for what brings me joy! Giving it some more thought for sure.

Sunflowers and the end of Summer! Parker is registered for school, Raber starts Thursday...time flies so fast! I miss walking to school on the first day - room mom PTA President it was all so fun! And it's all gone by so fast. I remember asking friends to watch Parker and Raber so I could work in Taylor's class once a week...and then friends to watch the daycare kids so I could work in Parker and Raber's class! Sunflowers and the end of summer remind me of the begining of school...time flies!

This is an apron I love! I want to make Christmas ones like this !!